Shortest trip ever

I was so incredibly excited about the thought of going to Ebon for a week. First, it would be my first real break since the time I first arrived. Second, I would be visiting an outer island. Third, I would be visiting during the Jubilee, a once-in-50 years celebration. Finally, I would be getting there via a very comfortable tourist ship. I thought, “If anything deserves to be blogged about daily, surely this is it!” Therefore, I even packed a notebook to write some daily musings along the way. Unfortunately, the entire trip lasted about 18 hours and 6 miles, as long as you don’t count the miles we spent going in circles.

We boarded at around 5:00 PM on Saturday. Our vessel was equipped with seven cabins and an air-conditioned bar/lounge area. It even had a TV/DVD and a karaoke machine. By most standards, we would be traveling quite luxuriously. I picked out a nice bench for myself in the lounge to sleep on and prepared for what I hoped would be a leisurely, relaxing journey to Ebon.

We departed at around 6:30 PM, only 30 minutes after the scheduled time, which is a miracle by island standards. I noticed that the ship was going unusually slowly, but didn’t think too much of it because the allotted traveling time was rather along (around 36 hours). After 3-4 hours, we finally made it out of the lagoon, as evinced by the considerably rougher waters the ship encountered. I remembered the seasickness pills that I packed and commended myself for being the smartest man in the world. I fell asleep at around 9:00 PM or so.

I was awakened soon after by the most violent, earth-shattering, sonic boom-like vomiting you have ever heard. This girl on the other side of the lounge must have been going into convulsions she was heaving so badly. First came the BLEGHARGHACKRACCOONCOMINGOUTOFTHROAT noise, then the sound of a running faucet, then the sound of dense oatmeal hitting the floor. To top it off, she had spent the whole night eating papaya pickled in Kool-Aid, which made her vomit a most awesome shade of scarlet. Then she did it again. And again. And again.

After that the floodgates opened. Student after student began puking, some on the floor, some on the floor while running out – leaving a nice trail, some into the door while running out, and some actually over the edge and into the ocean. Once again, I thought of my seasickness pills, and took pride in my coolness.

While awakened by the religious upchucking, I discovered that we were headed in the wrong direction. Majuro was definitely looming closer out the window. I asked what was going on and was told that one of the engines was having problems and that we were going back to Majuro. I wasn’t exactly sure what to think at that point, because I really did want to go to Ebon but the contagious puking was getting to me, and I really didn’t want to put up with it for another 36 hours.

We were met by mechanics in the middle of the lagoon, mainly an attempt from the charter company to get us on our way so it wouldn’t have to refund the money we were paying them for the ship. With calm waters again, I fell asleep at around 1:00 AM. I woke up at 8:00 AM. I rubbed my eyes, stretched, and walked towards the window to admire the open ocean view. However, I didn’t see the open ocean. Instead, I saw Majuro.

“What the fuck? Why are we still in the lagoon?” I asked. The man next to me shrugged. Somehow we had managed to sit in the same place for like 13 or 14 hours without ever deciding what to do next. “Well, are we going to Ebon or are we going back to Majuro?” I asked. The man next to me shrugged again. I sought out the director of Upward Bound, who informed me that while I was asleep, the engine had been fixed something like five times and had broken something like five times. Each time it was fixed we turned around to head to Ebon, and it would break about ten minutes later, forcing us to turn around again and head towards Majuro. Surprisingly, after half a day of this, the charter company still felt that the ship could be repaired to such a condition that would allow us to travel to Ebon and back. After the engine was fixed for the sixth time and broke for the sixth time, the director just put her foot down and said we were going back to Majuro.

Of course, going back to Majuro wasn’t easy either. And why should it have been? The story would suck more. Apparently docking a large ship with a broken engine isn’t easy. The captain tried steering the boat into harbor but couldn’t get the angle right and had to try FOUR SEPARATE TIMES. Imagine floating on a boat aimlessly for 18 hours, seeing the dock, and then being pulled away from it FOUR SEPARATE TIMES. It was awesome.

So here I am, with a week’s worth of dried and canned food and a week of vacation off work. And the only thing I could think of doing was writing a blog post. Whatever, the seasickness pills in my cabinet still say I’m the smartest man in the world.